Part of your job as a parent is to create a safe home for your kids. Even though teens won’t say it, rules and limits actually make them feel safe and loved. Most kids can agree on fair rules if they are given a chance to give their point of view. Research shows that when parents and teens decide together what the rules should be, kids are more likely to think they are fair. 1
Sit together as a family to set rules for your kids. Include what they may do and with whom they may spend time. Make the rules clear.
Listen to your teen's input in a respectful way. If they feel they are too old for some rules, talk together about why you have them. Discuss how they might be changed.
Let your teens have a say in what will happen if rules are broken. When teens have a say in setting rules, they feel their opinion matters and that they are being included.
Once rules and consequences are set, be consistent. If you keep changing them, your teens may think you aren’t sure what is right. If you don’t enforce them, they will break the rules.
Explain to your kids that you set rules to keep them safe because you love them. Tell them it is your job to keep them safe and teach them responsible behavior. They may grumble but they will respect that.
Areas where you may want to have rules:
Parties
Don’t let your kids go to parties unless an adult you trust will be there.
Meet the parents who will be looking after your kids and talk to them about your beliefs, values, and expectations, before letting your teen go to their home for a party.
Curfew
Set a curfew so kids know when they are expected home. Teens need about 9 to 10 hours of sleep a night. Car accidents and other dangers occur more often after 11 p.m. Eleven o’clock, or thereabouts, is a reasonable curfew for teens.
Dating
Don’t allow one-to-one dating among teens much younger than 16. Group activities among young people are fine. But the earlier kids begin dating, the more they are at risk for early sex.
Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy much older than she is. Don’t allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older boys and men have more experience and power than younger girls, which can lead girls into risky situations.
Safety equipment
Insist that your teenager wear a helmet when riding a bicycle, roller blades or skateboard.
Make sure that your teenager wears a seatbelt every time he/she rides in a car.
Alcohol and other drugs
Make it clear that use of drugs, alcohol or cigarettes is not allowed.
Make it clear that your teenager is not to ride in a car if the driver has been drinking or using other drugs. That means even if it is an adult driver. Consider agreeing to pick them up, anytime, no questions asked - if they ever get into a situation where they feel unsafe.
The Internet
Make it clear what content your teen is not allowed to view: bomb making, hate groups, cults, pornography, etc.
Make it clear what content is allowed: reference sites, news groups, etc.
Be clear about how long and under what conditions your teens can use the computer each day.
Talk to your teens about the dangers of using the Internet. Teens can be targeted by sexual predators, people selling products and could even get hooked on gambling games or pornography.
