How to Talk to Your Kids About Really Important Things, 1994, by Charles E. Schaefer, Ph.D., and Theresa Foy DiGernonimo, M.Ed.
What Kids Need to Succeed: Proven, Practical Ways to Raise Good Kids, 1994 (revised 1998), by Peter L. Benson, PH.D., Judy Galbraith, M.A., and Pamela Espeland.
Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Drugs & Choices, 2001, by Dominic Cappello and Xenia G. Becher, MSM, CSW.
Restoring the Teenage Soul: Nurturing Sound Hearts and Minds in a Confused Culture, 1999, by Margaret J. Meeker, M.D.
TIPS ON RAISING YOUR PRE-TEENS AND TEENS
Let's Talk About...
Monitoring Social Sites Like MySpace
Teens love their gadgets and media! Technology provides them with access to their friends, as well as the world. Unfortunately, there can be a downside to all of this: drug dealers and sexual predators have quick and easy access to minors through the use of many of teens' favorite technologies. If you have a teen, then it is likely s/he has information about herself/himself on at least one of these social sites. Not sure? Then ask! It's important that you know what types of media your teen is using, and how s/he is using it. Here's what you need to know about social networking sites:
Social networking sites allow people to talk each other online using a computer around shared interests or causes, like finding people who live nearby or who are the same age. These sites allow teens to design their own personalized page on the Internet, much like an interactive scrapbook, that can include their favorite music clips, their choice of background designs or “wallpaper,” photos, favorite quotes and any other information about themselves – and anyone else – that they wish to include. Users can also set up blogs (online public journals), a friend network, and message centers. It’s very easy to put a lot of information online. Savvy teens can accomplish this in just a few minutes and are sometimes unaware of the risks they may be taking when they do. Some of the most popular social networking sites for teens include MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, and Bebo.
The Advantages:
Adolescence is a time for exploration and experimentation. Social networking sites offer a way for teens to express themselves in creative ways.
For shy teens or those who don’t have many friends, social networking sites can provide an outlet to meet other kids their own age who have similar interests.
These sites can help parents get to know their teen and how they think about themselves.
The Dangers:
All too often, many teens do not set limits for how much information to share. They put themselves in danger by giving out too much personal information and communicating with strangers online.
Many of the sites have age requirements, but teens often get around those limits. By doing that, they enter a world that is intended for adults who are 18 or older;
Social networking sites seem safe to teens because they don’t use their real names. When teens feel safe, they can easily fall into a trap of trusting someone who is dangerous and can be tricked into meeting people in person.
Some teens post inappropriate content such as pictures from a drinking party, postings about taking drugs, real or invented sexual activity, or hurtful gossip about school peers. These kinds of behaviors can have serious consequences like expulsion from school or difficulty later in life if prospective employers or college admission officers review the sites.
When Trouble May Be Lurking...
While there may be no problem with your teen, you should be concerned and have a conversation with him/her if you notice the following:
If you know your teen has a personal homepage, especially through a social networking site, but you don’t have any idea what is on it, check it out. Make sure the homepage is allowed for minors.
Listen to the music your teen downloads and watch video clips, review anything listed as his/her favorites. If any includes inappropriate language about drugs and alcohol, or promotes dangerous behaviors, such as casual sex, violence, or drinking and driving, you should be concerned.
Check out the friends in your teen’s network and see what they are posting on their sites. If your teen’s friends have pictures of themselves at parties and everyone has a beer in their hand, chances are your teen has been to similar events.
There may be something wrong if your teen spends an excessive amount of time online or e-mailing friends, seems secretive about his/her online activities, or if the computer screen goes blank every time you walk by.
Internet Lingo
TGIF, RSVP, or even ASAP may be familiar to you, however computers have changed the way we communicate and a new dialect has emerged: Internet lingo. Acronyms or character symbols called Emoticons (mixing symbols to express emotions or moods) allow teens to communicate with others in a few keystrokes. This is often used to quickly communicate a message, however, many teens use these codes to warn their friends when parents might be present and to hide discussions around inappropriate behavior like sex and drug use.
Instant messages, blog entries, and text messages often are confusing to parents, but understanding this lingo is important. Here is a quick guide to help you translate what teens are saying online and in their cell phone text messages. Keep in mind that, as with street names for drugs, these symbols and acronyms can frequently change, particularly when those who use them suspect that others have figured out what they mean.
